Bored of beards? Bored of life

After deciding that I can finally put a hold on my Glastonbury ban I had installed over the weekend I caught up with all the bands that I would have wanted to see but miss on the BBC's fantastic online coverage. After watching Tame Impala's pant wettingly good set I then watched Nick Cave from Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds literally make a girl wet herself (in a sexy way) I mean see these screenshots.

I feel sorry for the guy she was on the shoulders of, I really do. I can't make a woman cum after 7 hours of elaborate dry humping but this god does it by singing a song about a guy making another guy suck his dick (thats quite an oversimplification of Stagger Lee but you get the jist). But this is just building up to the first in my list of favourite beards......... (in no order may I stress)

Warren Ellis - Member of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

I mean just look at this guy. His beard makes me want to take my pants off and shit in a bus stop. Not 

only is he a super talented multi instramentalist but puts Jesus' Beard to shame. He earns beard points with me because of 3 distinct elements 1. Spellbinding wisps 2. Timeless 2 tone beard blend 3. Hides the dreaded neck beard with the length off his chinny chin chin.

Sébastien Chabal - Rugby legend and Frenchman

The original Captain Caveman Sebastian Chabal's beard is a thing of rugby folklore, If East Londoners could admit that they are all private school rugby boys at heart it would really explain why the whole beard thing really kicked off. This is a fave for another 3 reasons 1. How does he keep it so short at the sides but bushy at the front. I hope it isn't grooming 2. He not only uses it as a weapon of intimidation on the pitch but I would also imagine a weapon of love. Many women have wanted to run their fingers through that face jumper 3. Its very hard to pull off the 2 tone thing like our number 1 entry so serious block colour is a must have

Joaquin Pheonix - Actor/Rapper

The Buffalo hunting/Johnny Cash impersonating Joaquin had to be on the list for this beautiful beard he grew for his (fake) rap project. Not only do I think that all rappers should have beards, but they should all have this beard. This is special for me because 1. It makes his face round like a moon 2. Although his beard is wild like a night speedballing with his now dead brother in one of Johnny Depps LA nightclubs look at the definition on that top lip! 3. Have you heard Joaquin speak? It is so funny with this beard.

Now I know there are plenty of beards I have missed and please comment with your all time faves and maybe I can create a top trumps for all you lovely people to play at home with your grandparents at Christmas, but the beers are kicking in and as you may tell Im running our of words in my memory bank. For a bigger beard fix this evening please see the links below and make sure you sign up to the bottom one, it looks amazing.

World Beard Championships

Beards.org

Online dating for beard lovers

Beards & Beers at The Wheatsheaf

So yes, I promised you beards this evening, so beards you will get. But not yet.

Rather that sit in my own filth in my room Ive come to my local to write about my passion of something I can't master yet. The Wheatsheaf based on Tooting Bec crossroads is one of those London boozers with a checkered past. I remember when I first moved to Tooting 5 years ago the sheaf was one of those places you turn your eyes away when you walk past just incase a second generation Irish builder glasses you into submission. But as I sit in my chesterfield for one sipping away at my ice cold Brooklyn Lager I couldn't be further away from those dark sorry days.

The Black Keys pumping through the stereo with their 8 different constantly changing guest ale pumps is the perfect catalyst for writing about bearddom so I grabbed a 100% british beef burger with stilton and bacon to compliment the caramel malts of my Brooklyn to settle myself into a hopefully productive/drunken (delete as aplicable) night.

If your from the SW London you will know of this wonderful places owners Antic London so im not going to wittle on about them, just check out their site and make sure you get to one of their opening parties, they are fucking wicked.

Anyway enough of the pub review. To beards....................

The Owl & Pussycat

After a quite glorious week with the parents in Salcombe, Devon I arrived back in the ol' smoke to meet friend for drinks in East. Now its not that I'm behind the times (which I am), but East London is somewhere that I rarely venture to, when I do I dont really remember where I have been and am only heading to places that have been cool for years before, so please dont think this post is me trying to make your cock (or fanny) hard about a new hipster paradise.

After a few Guinness and Aperol in The Book Club we ventured anywhere. My guide knew where she was going; I did not,  but thankfully she took me to a great little place called The Owl & Pussycat. With my Glastonbury and relationship blues still trying to kick the shit out of me when we could get a seat in the garden we camped out all night.

In all honesty I don't have much memories of the place but when my Saturday morning flashbacks consist of hearing Wolf Parade - I'll Believe in Anything which is a track I used to have on repeat years ago. The drink went down far to well and had some great conversations with people borring lighters all night long.

I will return

Is rock and roll dead? My list of modern rock and roll bands you need to hear

After a chance meeting to other night I was re introduced to the rock and roll scene that used to be so prevalent at the end of the 2000's. Personally I dont think that gigs have been the same since smoking was banned in venues as nothing quite matches the scene of a great rock a roller such as Dan Sartain walking onto a smoke filled stage and rattling out some Lo Fi Americana as it would today.

Dan Sartain is a Birmingham, Alabama baset Lo-Fi rockabilly troubadour and is signed to the rather wonderful One Little Indian Label (http://www.indian.co.uk/site) based in my old haunt Balham. To listen to Sartain's album Dan Sartain vs The Serpientes is a pleasure I always love perfect for all moods and weathers. I always have fond memories of his battles with the cobras over 3 parts on that album and to try and imagine how to 'hang a snake my its neck' - Dan Sartain - Walk Among the Cobras Part 1

The band in question I was introduced to was Vincent Vincent and the Villains, a band that had passed me by in 2007 who's pop take on Rock and Roll may seem pedestrian at times but could really write a catchy hook still in keeping with classic 50's song and chord structures. Yes, your right, they may sound a little like The Kooks. But it was fashionable not to like The Kooks as it is with many bands who seem to to gain quick popularity - Vincent Vincent and the Villains - On My Own Live

My favourite rock and roll band who when I first listened to them I though were from the 50's has to be Kitty Daisy and Lewis. The most beautiful brother and sister band from this great city who record on 1930s equipment in their lounge. I can't describe just how great they are live when their dad joins them on rhythm guitar and mum joins on double bass - Kitty Daisy and Lewis - Polly Put the Kettle On Live

Unfortunately for you all I will be dusting off my classically trained voice and buying this guitar so I can attempt to become a sweet little rock and roller once again as I need to get back on a tiny stage somewhere and make a fool of myself, make sure you bring your e cigarettes so we can try and replicate gigs like they used to be. Please listen to a select tracks from these bands and others on this blogs spotify playlist - Hi Ho Silver - Modern Rock and Roll